so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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