sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
