Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
