I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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