That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
