Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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