As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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