he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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