Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
