it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
