Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
