Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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