My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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