shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
