So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I understand Curling. That high.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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