I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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