you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
