Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
