I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
