After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Too much gin, very little bucket
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
