I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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