dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
