and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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