I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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