After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
