K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
