I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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