Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
