so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
