i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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