is your mom at the bar?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
