Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
