im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
