I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
