Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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