yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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