Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
