I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
