We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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