Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
