I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
