birth control should be required to get into college
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
