this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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