On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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