i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
