I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
