your thong is hanging out like whoa
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Four minutes until I can fart!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
