Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
