I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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