And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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