So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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