She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
