I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
